I was talking to a friend last week.She narrated of her struggle to get out of bed and I got myself sharing the tools I use to cope. I am learning to be more open and less ashamed of struggling with depression. I find it slipping in conversations that I am having a hard time and more often I am rewarded with the expereince of others with their own struggle indicating I am not alone and I don’t have to hide parts of me so that they may seem flowey and fantastic. Tough days are here sometimes more intense than others. Going to a party I myself prompted and ivitation took a whole load of effort to honour and trully a day of conquering the fear,anxiety, monkey mind and urge to crawl back into the blankets.
Frequently I have had to honour my emotions, needs and wants.The need to be acknowledged,loved and cared for by taking courageous steps and moves.’Hey,I think I like you and how come you are ignoring me?’, hard conversations like that. Anorther friend says I am soo intense and too celebral for a relationship.hmm, I would like to think I am enough and I don’t need to deem down my light to accomodate those who cannot rise to my vibration at the expense of my sanity.I do hope against all odds that i will continuously find my tribe of those who vibrate at my level and inspire me to vibrate at a higher vibe.
some of the exercises I undertake to quell this anxious heart is ‘Wordscapes’ an android game of words and letters that gets me focused on the moment and not the nightmarish racing mind into the future i can barely have a grasp on.
I watched a lady talking of the five senses exercise when she was dealing with post-natal depression.I apply that too. 5 things I see now, 5 things I can smell, 5 things I can hear, 5 things I have tasted in the last few minute/hours and 5 things I have touched.Always restores the now.
Journal-ling has considerably helped,Long live the journal.All he raw feelings of anxiety, mixture.Just to reduce the amount of verbose so that I do not have verbal-diarrhea on someone close.